Not sure of the origins of this fun piece, but hope you laugh!
Subject: Twelve Days of Christmas Revised
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced a good cash crop, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant. This will reduce maintenance costs.
Two turtle doves carry on a romance during working hours. They are to be eliminated.
The three French hens will stay. After all, everyone loves the French.
The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds called, how often, and how long they talked.
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity is unwise.
The six geese-a-laying is a luxury, no longer in the budget. Their production rate of one egg per goose per day is unacceptable. HR will let three geese go, and upgrade the selection procedure so that from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one.
The seven swans-a-swimming are primarily decorative and hard to maintain. Mechanical swans are on order.
Eight maids-a-milking is a dead-end job, with no upward mobility. Automation of the milking process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring, or a-mulching.
Nine ladies dancing is an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
Ten lords-a-leaping are too expensive. Replace with 10 out-of-work politicians. There is an over-supply in some areas.
Eleven pipers and twelve drummers means the band is too big. Try a string quartet with no uniforms and no new music.
Shipping daily for twelve days will be replaced by a cheaper one day drop off.
Other changes may include: 13 lawyers-a-suing or reducing the whole concept to be handled by Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Division.
